Thursday, July 22, 2010

Knitting & Confidence

What the hell does that title mean? Robin, is this going to be a motivational blog entry? No, people. It's me talking about what's on my mind. Go back to my page and it will say that this blog is about knitting, rants and streams of consciousness. I was just thinking about my knitting and how I sometimes have to deal a with lack of confidence in my favorite hobby. What do I mean by that? I know that I can knit like a mofo! I am good, no, very good! I produce really nice things but now that I'm starting to promote them, I've started to doubt my abilities. Why? I ask myself all the time. Is it something from my childhood? Did I have an incident that made me this way? I can't think of anything. Is it that I'm just not a good self-promoter or salesperson? My husband is a great salesperson. I hear him on the phone all the time doing his recruiting thing. He speaks with such confidence and integrity. He has a stellar reputation in his field. Maybe that's it. I'm a good knitter for myself and maybe not for others. Freud, are you listening?

In order to get over this lack-of-confidence hump, I decided to put myself out there. I am listing things on (I'm I list my items with such pride because I love the way they turn out. I once had to bring one of my sweaters into the fabric store to get the just right button. People were coming up to me oohing and aahing over the sweater. I felt like a million bucks! I walked out of there, with the buttons, feeling like the best knitter in the world. I couldn't wait to list it. Now that I did, everyday I look at my e-mails hoping for a message saying that it sold. I swear it's like the lottery, waiting for your numbers to come up. I must admit that I get a little rush every time I check! Then when I see that the message isn't there, I give a little sigh, talk to my dog and move on.

I feel by writing about this in this very public forum, I am doing a little self-therapy. It's amazing that as an adult, how I can feel this way when I am a confident person in all my other aspects of my life. Maybe it's because my knitting is very personal, it's an extension of me. I wonder if artists feel the same way. So ends my rant of the day. I thank myself for the space and I'm off to check my messages. Peace out my readers!

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